Acts 29

I don't like worship music. Before you heat up the tar and pluck the chickens (doesn't that seem like an awful lot of trouble to go to anyway?), hear me out. I love worshiping God and leading others in worship. I am also a musician with a respect for and broad range of interest in music, both of which run dry when it comes to most songs that fall under the category of worship. I think we can agree that musically, worship music is not the most innovative or interesting. I realize this is not the intent of worship music, and while a whole article could be written on mediocrity in the Christian arts, I will simply list "poorly written" as the first reason for my dislike. I believe that if God wanted to listen to good music, not music that glorified Him by the lyrics but simply beautiful music, He would not choose worship music. Jazz, classical, bluegrass, Radiohead perhaps, but not worship music.

Why lead worship when we don't like the music?

Because worship is not defined by a genre of music. My dislike of worship music is not solely based on trite chord structures and fluffy lyrics. The biggest problem is that somewhere along the line our reaction to the Almighty Living God has been categorized into a style of music. There have been many reactions throughout the history of interaction between God and man. Noah obeyed. Moses hid his face. Jonah ran. You and I have different reactions to God, depending on who we are and the manner in which He reveals Himself. By categorizing worship as music, and then pigeon-holing it even more as worship music, we have reduced all the possible reactions of individuals changed by God. For those who do not particularly care for music, or those who do not like singing worship songs, what form of expression are they left with? According to the church at large, and the Christian community, nothing.

A few years ago this problem became a reality in my life. It was a summer of discontent - my two best friends and I had parted ways, leaving our relationships and dream of playing music together in shambles. Living in a small-town, working a dead-end job under neon lights and the unblinking eye of security cameras I became uncertain of my future, my friends, and my faith.

It was at this point in my life, full of questions and at my wit's end, that I stopped worshiping. Although I trusted deep-down in God's sovereignty, I nevertheless could not see it, and at that time my view (and what seems to be the general view of the Church today) was that worship could only be found in singing worship songs. Either you actively praise God through music, or you are not worshiping. "No matter the situation, join with us as we sing happy songs about God's love, and watch your troubles melt away!"  Do not misinterpret my sarcasm - I do not doubt the power and mystery of the Holy Spirit, who can change our hearts in any situation. Nor do I scorn submission to an Elder-led church during group worship. This is beneficial and necessary to each and every church. What I experienced and have observed in many instances was a call to coat anxieties and doubts in a sweet-smelling, pretty package of cheerful songs and good feelings. While we at times are called to blindly trust our Sovereign Lord, we are never required to simply lay aside an honest heart, which in our futile humanity does not always understand why He is asking us to do certain things. The Lord takes us through a process of growth so that we know Him better; if we ignore our troubled hearts, this growth will not occur. We must be honest before God; the alternative is living in confusion. Allow your congregation to take Him their deepest questions - what are we afraid of? Can He not handle it?

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest."

The above verse is usually applied when someone is saved by the grace of God through His Son, Jesus Christ. God wants our hearts, and He does not require that our hearts have all the answers. We are called to God with our questions and imperfections. But the intent of that verse should not, and does not, stop there. The journey is just beginning. The work of the Holy Spirit involves a process of God opening all the doors of our heart, which in turn causes us to struggle to keep those doors closed. We are a fallen race, bent from our design as humans, who desire to hold on to what comforts us. Even with the Holy Spirit in us, no one can testify to a life without sin from the point of conversion on. Following Christ is not easy, and the process at times causes us to avoid, resist, even doubt the work of God in our lives. It is during those times of struggle that the last thing we want to sing is "Yes, Lord, Yes, Lord, Yes Yes, Lord." Some may call this resistance to praising God selfish. I disagree. You realize that God is Holy, that He will work everything out for His glory, but you don't see how. We are still called to praise God in the midst of turmoil. It just might not be what you think of as typical worship.
For example, look at the passage in John 11. Mary and Martha's brother Lazarus was sick. Not only was he their brother but was described as "he whom You love"  to Jesus. Jesus, for reasons only known to He and the Father, did not heal Lazarus but allowed Him to die. Put yourself in the place of Mary and Martha. To do this, you must forget what you know now about the end result of the story. Mary and Martha knew Jesus could heal people, and yet their brother died. How did they feel? How would you feel? When Jesus finally came, after the death of Lazarus, Martha met him, saying "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." Jesus asked Martha if she believed He was the resurrection and the life. "Do you trust me?"  is what He was basically saying. She answered that she did. She praised God by recognizing Jesus as Lord, and as having the power to heal Lazarus. This is worship just as much as singing the praises of God for His creation. Give God your heart even when it is confused and hurt. Martha confessed Jesus as Lord even though she did not understand His actions. In turn, Jesus did not argue with her, nor did He rebuke her for her boldness to God's Son. He reassured her. Next, look at His own reaction to Lazarus' death- "Jesus wept."

There were no teachings, there were no stories or songs of God as Creator or Lord of the heavens. He did not attempt to set their minds at rest with the prophecies He had fulfilled as Savior. He wept. In that moment things were unbearable. Jesus recognized that. He knew Lazarus would live again! But death and sorrow hurt Him, and we can be assured that He understands the hurt we feel. Christ himself sweated blood in His prayer for the Father to "take this cup from Me." He knew the purpose, the plan, and the eventual outcome, yet he sweated blood.

God understands that we are not always able to praise Him by singing praise music. That sometimes, like Martha, all we can say is "You are God. I don't know what You are doing with this situation, but You are God."  I will never forget the face of a man at church one week whose brother-in-law had just died suddenly. As we sang our praises to God, he stood unmoving, his brow furrowed in hurt. He did not have it in him to sing. Yet He was there that night, he came, bringing his pain and confusion to God because he believed in Jesus. That was worship just as much as the girl two rows back smiling and singing to God because He provided her with a new job.

Recognizing this, that our hearts are not always in the state to sing the praises found in typical worship music, how does the church respond? How do we facilitate a service in which worship is real in people's lives, yet remains pointed towards God? I realize that we should not sing songs that allow us to wallow in our hurt and humanity - the purpose of worship is to praise God. I can't stand songs that are "I this," "I that," "me, me, me," and the first thing I did when taking the job as worship leader was to cut them from the playlist. Yet there is a way to praise God, while remaining honest with our hearts during times of confusion and pain:

The Church must bring need back into worship.

This year I experienced my first Maundy Thursday service. In contrast to the Easter service, which celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ and the life which results, the Maundy Thursday service was sparsely attended. This could be because it was our first attempt at such a service, and people weren't used to coming out during the week. I think it is because what we were reflecting on was the last hours of Christ's life and His death on the cross. It is not an easy service to attend, but we are missing out if we skip ahead to the empty tomb. Jesus did not do this, nor did He give the disciples an opportunity to. He could have told them the whole plan and assured them that everything was going to be alright, but instead He allowed them to deny Him and scatter in fear.

Until this year I was more or less unaware of Maundy Thursday, paid little attention to Good Friday, and basically ignored Holy Week in general. I looked forward to Easter and the celebration of Jesus with my church and family. When told we were going to do a worship service on Maundy Thursday, I was curious to see how it would turn out, and a bit apprehensive as it was all new to me. After looking into the meaning of Maundy Thursday and the events that occurred, I realized that it was the darkest time in the lives of Christ and the disciples. Jesus was betrayed by everyone, and killed. The whole world of the disciples, everything they had poured their lives into, seemed to be a lie. The followers of Christ fell apart, fleeing in fear. They were shown grace when Jesus reappeared alive and, forgiving them for betrayal, He gave them a commission to spread the good news. Yet they would not have understood the resurrection, and the grace that resulted, had they not spent over two days in fear, realizing their need of a Savior. God allows us to experience difficulties so that we comprehend just how unable we are to save ourselves, and, being offered grace, our hearts grow more dependent on Him. We realize our need not on Easter Sunday, but in the Garden of Gethsemane and at the cross. This is where worship begins. Worship is not a time to pretend we love God, it is a time to actually love Him, and loving Him is sometimes easy, and sometimes difficult. Recognizing our need for a savior is the first step to praising Jesus as that Savior. As a church, let us linger at the cross, giving God our troubled hearts. We all experience the confusion of the disciples standing far off, seeing Jesus hang and die on the cross. Certainly not to the extent of their despair, but in the sense that our understanding of God is murky, and we realize just how small we really are, and just how finite our understanding of the world is. Does our current designated "style" of worship recognize that?

"My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are you so far off from helping me,
and from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear;
And in the night season, and am not silent.
But You are holy
Enthroned in the praises of Israel."

David is the "man after God's own heart," and in many of his poems and songs we find him confused and broken. The powerful warrior and king was often in a state of distress and misery: "I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears."  As worship leaders, we can look to David for guidance in how to bring need back into worship. In fact, the majority of the psalms contain a theme of lament. While the psalms are toted as a guide to worship for the church, there is a lack of worship songs today dealing with issues of confusion, doubt, and pain. How is it that we have lost sight of this honesty? During times when all we can sing is "God, what are you doing?"  we should not be ashamed, because we are speaking to God from our hearts. Many of the psalms contain such cries of anguish, but David never stops there. Even during the most trying and confusing times, he praises God. The key in turning need and confusion into worship is to direct your heart to God. Merely singing about your problems is wallowing in self-pity. If you are singing of your need to the Lord, you are recognizing Him for who He is - God. All worship celebrates the character of God, including His mystery. Let us keep God at the center of worship, but take to Him our hearts. Your congregation will appreciate the fact that you have an honest, David-like approach to worship.

I have purposefully avoided using examples of songs and concrete instructions in this article. The Lord speaks to each church concerning needs and the difficulties they face. Songs and styles should be developed based on an individual church basis; many songs that work in my church would not work in yours, and vice-versa. Thank God for His specific voice.

Title quote by David Bazan, taken from the song "Secret of the Easy Yoke"
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
"My God, My God, why have You forsaken me? Why are you" Psalm 22:1-3
"I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears." Psalm 6:6